Why loving scares you…

Hiiiiiii everyone! Lemme start this post with a big fat THANK YOU! for your comments, feedback, shares, likes, and questions on my last post. They were so uplifting and i’m thankful A LOT of people got to open up about their struggle as well. As at that point, I was still very unsure about my readiness to share this post but the out pour totally encouraged me and showed me that loving in fear is actually a common thing. But hey! this struggle isn’t an exception to what Christ paid for, so we rise! Shall we…..

In my last post, “Loving In Fear,” I wrote that some people might realize that their fear is borne out of someone’s statement to them. And well, yeah, some people like me. I’m writing specifically about friendships and romantic relationships; it didn’t make sense that I desired to have a family of my own someday, but at the same time I would completely freak out at the thought of being with someone. So I spoke to God about it, and no, an answer or impression didn’t come immediately…it came later on…gradually…while I was drinking garri*, imagine? 😦

Some memories from my younger years (from age 14 or 15) started playing out but a particular one stood out. There was someone I respected, loved, and looked up to, that would always tell me things like: “your husband will never be able to keep/handle you, he’ll probably send you packing or file for a divorce one day…” (something along those lines). That was his “scolding” statement whenever I made a mistake, especially in homely duties (like spilling water or over-spicing the food). Even though his comments hurt then, I never did take them seriously, so I became highly oblivious to how they seeped into my subconscious. In fact, I totally forgot about his comments as I grew to improve and become a better woman. But isn’t it funny, and scary at the same time, to realize that a lot of people, like me, have been living under the impact of words they had long forgotten or had considered to be somewhat trivial?

Initially, I didn’t understand why that memory came at that point, but slowly, it dawned on me, and it all began to make sense. Until then, I didn’t understand why I would jokingly tell people that I’m such a handful, that some guy would have to “manage” me like that and would probably have to be Jesus himself lol. I would address all of my little mistakes, like spilling water on the floor, as enough proof that I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t want to deal with that anymore, so I concluded that I’ll never get married, relationships are too stressful anyway. I was also afraid of accepting love, believing that it was either fake or would make me look “too clingy,” and back-to-back broken trust confirmed that for me. So I pushed it off, shut people out, and in places where I knew I couldn’t do that, I hid behind certain facades, ones that I often refer to as “beneficial distractions” like:

  • Spirituality to cover up my deficiency: before I started to be properly discipled, I would often make comments like “I only want to focus on Jesus abeg, I don’t need anyone (especially a guy) because Jesus is my everythingggg…” amazing right? Not quite. So I would shut out possible friendships and stay distant from people, too afraid to accept the vulnerability that comes with loving freely in Christ. I thought shutting people out was cute tho…but now I know what’s cuter is that the Holy Spirit won’t let anyone remain in that state…
  • Personality to justify excuses: being an introvert became my smartest reason for pushing people away. Truthfully, I absolutely love my personal space, but it was also my escape mechanism from that fear of being too attached to someone, fear of being rejected or neglected. I thought I would not experience all these if I “stayed on my lane” but I indirectly shut out the gift of beautiful friendships and love…
  • Excessive ambition to boost self worth: for me then, that ambition was school. At a point, I would play “die hard” in my academics just to feel like I was enough, because after all “guys like smart girls” innit? For others, ambition could be in other things like sports, wrong relationships, career paths, or passion for fame according to the world’s standard just to prove a point…
  • Biological features to provide explanations: I concluded that I was just not capable of having “lasting love” for a guy or having someone too close to my space…and in those moments when I felt a little vulnerable, well…I just blamed it on feminine hormonal fluctuations and believed it would pass

These “beneficial distractions” might not necessarily be bad or false, but God wanted me to see my real reason for doing them, because that “reason” came from something that is not of Him -fear. I realized that one can’t have the best of both worlds: one can either love freely OR remain fearful of rejection, hurt, pain, and then end up being controlled by these. It also dawned on me that our limitations as humans that forget things, does not limit God’s healing, and His process of digging out the deepest parts of us. Dwelling in God’s presence builds your awesome new nature in Christ, but it also rids you of the many burdens you might have…like fear. There was absolutely no way I could have traced the cause of my fear (and habit of pushing people away) to the impact of those words in my younger years without God revealing them to me. That was my basis, the basic thing I needed to address if I wanted to be free from fear, free to love, and be loved…

You see, you might forget about certain things but their impact on you might never leave. Things like this are a lot deeper than what we see in the ordinary, a lot deeper than just your mere feelings. It started from somewhere, find it and speak faith into it!! Believe me when I say the love of God is the most liberating thing ever, and harnessing that love requires you to be as vulnerable as you can first in His presence, and then to the gift of people He brings to you. So the next time you’re freaking out, the next time you feel unworthy of love, the next time you feel you’re not good enough…speak FAITH, surround yourself with HOPE and assurance that God’s word about you is all that must count, and let His LOVE uplift you, filling you with boldness to uplift others fearlessly…

Yes, love is patient, but in your waiting, you should have NO fear of neglect or rejection. Yes, love is kind, but your kindness must NOT be filled with the fear that you might be taken advantage of. Yes, love is not envious, but in cheering others on, there should be NO fear that your light might be overshadowed. Ultimately, love never fails, so why not love freely like a winner that you are? Love is yours to have and to give, don’t let the devil trick you into believing that you’re just being cautious. The best kind of wisdom comes from the same God who tells us to love…fearlessly. Remember as always: There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear! Selah

I hope this blessed you as much as it did me. In this “season of love,” may these writings bring you liberation from fear concerning ALL your relationships. May light shine into every dark side that’s limiting your ability to love, and to receive love… I can’t wait to hear from you!

Ohh wait! haha…kindly FOLLOW this blog by clicking on “join the family” below, and encourage others to as well. Seeing the number of weekly readers gets me a little “drunk” when I compare it with the number of followers sigh. So how about we aim for about 500 followers by April 28th? Let’s just say it’s my early birthday gift from you eyyy? Thank you!!!😊

I call YOU blessed!

*garri: the best African meal ever! No jokes 🙂

17 Comments Add yours

  1. oyesimisola fagbenro says:

    Wow!! Amazing…our human limitations don’t actually limit God in any way…Speak what God says and sees about you only….well done sis..can’t wait for the next one

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Samuel Oyewole says:

    Fear is never of God. Anything done in fear is not of God not even “love” cause His perfect love has cast out all fear. Thank you so much for this Identity check Miss Twosday

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Gloryy!! “…not even love.” Thank you for reading!❤

      Like

  3. Anonymous says:

    Some of us are hard guys😪…always a pleasure to read your write ups

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awwww😂 hard guy hard guy no dey help anyone oh. Thank you for reading! May softness locate you😂❤

      Like

  4. Riya says:

    Beautifuly written!! I loved it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Riya! I’m glad you did❤

      Like

  5. Zee says:

    Amazing piece. The love of God is truly amazing

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Truly truly amazing!! Thank you Zee!!❤

      Like

  6. Regalo says:

    “There is no fear in love…..perfect love casts out fear” – 1 John 4:18
    Thanks for this Miss Twos’day. It really spoke to me 💯

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Gloryyy!! I’m so glad it did!❤

      Like

  7. Anonymous says:

    This is amazing. it’s just like an eye opener to those who uses Jesus to cover up… Once you’re convicted you love the guy approaching you, while not give him a chance? There is no sin in that and fear of loosing him to other girls should be cancelled out from the heart. because it’s what that is inside a mans heart comes to the outside world.

    Thanks for this great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Tracy says:

    This is so beautiful! I’m a fan!! #Eunite

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 😂thank you Tracy!!❤ #Eunite😉

      Like

  9. Anonymous says:

    This is amazing and true! May God enrich your wisdom!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amenn! Thank you for reading!❤

      Like

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