Do not give up on GROWTH yet. You will soon become a master at that character/emotional flaw you’ve been battling with. Don’t give up… yet!
Chai! Where are my manners? I’m sorry that statement came straight up at you like that…but that was my intention though haha. Yes, I love you too! And thank youuuu! for bearing with me and my inconsistency chai. This lady is just trying to settle into this side of the world nicely you know… now back to our talk: FLAWS
I remember when people would tell me that I have anger issues, and malice issues, and pride issues, and laziness issues, and perhaps every other “issues” you can think of lmaooo. And somehow, I always managed to magnify people’s complaints in my mind and I got reallyyy overwhelmed. So I would ask: “What do you want from me? Oh I should fix myself? Okay then, but where do I start from? It seems while I’m trying to focus on improving one flaw, the other flaws get jealous and really start to announce themselves recklessly. I’m just tired, ‘I cannot come and kill myself and die.’ People can say whatever they want, I give up…”
And trust me; I felt this way everyyy time lol. That train of thought creeps up on me even now, but my goodness, my response now is entirely different! And it’s all because someone who believed in me told me that exact statement I ‘screamed’ on your face at the beginning of this post haha. Yes, again, I love you too! And more than ever, I’m glad I believed in myself well enough to hang in there.
You see, I love that God is so bent on us attaining not just spiritual maturity, but also emotional intelligence and maturity. I mean duh, He wants us to crisis-proof our relationships as much as we can because the truth remains that relationships are the basis of any man’s existence. Most of our goals in life are influenced by the people we have around us; could be parents, friends, spouses, siblings, or even souls (people you might never get to meet)! All in all, emotional intelligence makes the difference between a successful relationship and otherwise. For this reason, do not give up on improving that character/emotional flaw, I promise you’ll get better…and nothing is more beautiful than that moment you realize that mehnnn, you actually did get better! Till then, here are few tips to help you hang in there:
1. Have YOUR mirror and look into it ALWAYS! I’d say it’s totally pointless, confusing and definitely frustrating to worry about people’s opinion of you when you don’t even know what you should look like. The way I see it, everyone has his/her own mirror and every word spoken to you by a person is a call to see yourself through the mirror he/she carries. The question is, what’s your own mirror like? Where do you go to find your reflection? Now if you’re uncertain about this, or you’re certain that you have no mirror, then you’ll easily accept when someone else presents another mirror to you.
2. Only respond to those who have mirrors exactly like yours, knowing they’ll gauge you based that! Imagine a cat telling a dog angrily: “bruh you’re just a dog, stop being a dog, you’re super annoying when you behave “dogish.” Like duhh, they’re clearly not on the same page and clearly don’t have the same mirror. At this point, I’d just come out clean; the best mirror you can probably ever have is one founded on the most powerful force ever: LOVE. And guess what? Oh you guessed right darling; God is love, and yes, His love has been made perfect in YOU. In fact, the only reason you would desire to work on that flaw is simply to reflect that love haha. Regardless of how a person might express his/her opinions about you, trust me, it’s quite easy to tell if their ‘critic’ is coming from a place of love (that is, their genuine desire to see you become better) or from a place of contempt, disgust or hatred. This goes for positive words or compliments as well –are they coming from a place of genuine admiration or mere flattery? Learn to look beyond the words of people, look directly at their hearts and intentions, and stick with only those who are –or a working towards being –grounded in God’s love.
3. Only reflect the mirror you have! You might not exactly be there, but darling, even in your imperfections, you can still be the reason why another person would be stirred up to grow and build character. A friend of mine once told me: “God will still use you while He is breaking you.” At that process of your growth, ask yourself what mirror you reflect to others too? When you want to point out a flaw in them, is your tone, gesture, and most importantly, your heart, reflecting love or contempt? One of my favorite quotes for this is: Remember to BE who you want to become, even while you’re still in the process of becoming.
4. Focus on your mirror, trust the process; it has never failed and it definitely won’t start with you! You won’t always feel good even when you’re corrected in love and sometimes, someone just needs to point out that flaw in you. But I promise, you’ll get to the point where you’d be faced with a familiar situation that would normally have exposed your past flaws, only that this time, your response/reaction would move you to tears, thinking about how much God has really changed your heart.
- One day, you’ll look at that person that betrayed/cheated you, and your default response would be with love, both in your heart and in your actions…
- One day, you’ll look at that person that called you names, and your comeback harsh words would be replaced with kind words…
- One day, when someone gets on your last nerves, the strength to raise your voice would just not be there…
- One day, you’ll look at that erotic image, and a messed up mind filled with lust will be replaced with a renewed mind filled with genuine compassion…
The list goes on and on. You might be struggling with that flaw today, fail at it so many times, but you must trust that His image is being formed in you. You must trust that He’ll never condemn you even when you fail, but at the same time, He’ll stop at nothing till you’re perfectly refined!
You’re a beauty, your heart is gold. Don’t give up on GROWTH, especially your growth in Christ with regards to your character/emotions! In this case, it’s never a two-way thing; you’ll definitely be wrong for giving up.
Blessings to YOU!